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Tara's Story: Transformed from Selfish to Selfless
Posted by:
Patient Services Team on
May 26, 2011 at
11:31AM UEDT
This week’s story comes to us from Tara, a member of the NBTS Caregiver Support Network. Tara, age 18, is a caregiver for her mother who was
diagnosed with a GBM in 2007. She describes her experience below.
Please tell us a little about your life at the time your loved one was diagnosed.
I
was turning 15 and a freshman in high school. I had a mix of emotions:
anxiety to numbness, and everything in-between. I also blocked my
reality out and didn’t think about it. Looking back, my memory isn’t
very vivid.
How has life changed since then?
I’ve
gone through high school and have transformed from selfish to selfless.
That mindset alone changes your life. In the beginning, seeing my
mother depressed me. She, as her former self, and everything about her I
was accustomed to, vanished so fast. It really makes you appreciate the
time you do have. It was selfish of me to think that my mother’s trauma
was only impacting me! While I may have been impacted emotionally, for
my mom it included mentally and physically as well! And why should I
make her day worse by seeing the pain I’ve got on my face? However, it
takes strength and courage to show one’s face with sincerity. No longer
am I bothered by my reality. Instead, I became worthy of this suffering
and defeated it, instead of it defeating me. In my battle with my
reality I realized how time-consuming and debilitating my depression
was. I want to be happy, but I also want my mom to be happy. I don’t
know whether it was an "Ah Ha!" moment, but I did suddenly realize that
making my mother happy made me happy. Don’t be confused, it was not out
of pity, but of becoming more focused on the welfare of others because I
wouldn’t want anyone to get lost in a depression. Little by little, my
efforts went out to those I felt needed support. My hands have reached
past my mother, giving and receiving kind thoughts with my late math
teacher in his battle with blood cancer. However, my greatest success
story is my mom’s. Her prognosis has gone from a 12 months to 12 to 15
years. The news is recent and I focus on the here and now. My here and
now is working out at the gym with my mother, acting as her physical
trainer and her biggest supporter. My reality is bright and my days are
cherished. I couldn’t be happier.
What is one piece of advice you would have for a new caregiver?
Don’t
let one’s illness become your illness. It’s so easy to get wrapped up
feeling sorry for the ill and feeling hopeless for your own inevitable
struggle.
What has been the most rewarding or challenging part of caregiving for you?
The
most rewarding is spending time with my mom. I love to hear her crack
jokes and smile. On the other hand, her crying is the most hard to bear.
It’s hard not to cry myself, but instead I console her and assure her
everything is o.k.
Do you have any suggestions for ways caregivers can care for themselves?
I
believe a good daily reflection in a journal is great for oneself. I
believe you can learn many things about humanity through caregiving and
that looking back on your journey is very beneficial.
Describe your experience/journey as a caregiver in three words.
Happily ever after. (:
If you had your own personal theme song what would it be?
It would have to be “Sometimes” by John Butler Trio. Just listen to the lyrics!
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