I finally found the truth on my disability report.

Last fall, I went to my doctor's office for 'urgent care'. I'd taken several trips to the ER in the previous years and really didn't care too much about the $100.00 co-pay.

So when I was having 'vertigo' at midnight and then nausea the next morning, we called the family doctor and went to the clinic.

He put me on IV and ordered several forllow-up tests (C-scan - for my neck and chest x-ray) and reluctantly an MRI after I became very annoyed. Because I was very 'upset', he wanted me to see a counselor.

The funniest thing was, the counselor did not think I had any problems. She was giving me the discharge form at the check-out counter when I heard about the $100.00 copayment.

"What?" I'd never been charged a copayment that high unless it was to the ER. She then explain to me that because I wasn't having real issues, the copayment had to be $100.00. She could reduce it to $40.00 by marking on the chart a 'diagnosis'. I paid the $40.00 and was happy to report to my husband that the therapist said that I was 'fine'.

Then we received follow-up notices. The Health Plan had approved 6 more sessions of psychotherapy for me. Of course I did not go. I wasn't going to give them more money for problems I did not have to begin with.

But when I saw my family doctor the next time, he nodded his head and murmured something like "you were a little bit depressed..."

He had insisted for me to see the neurosurgeon 'just for a visit'. Neither the family doctor nor the neurosurgeon mentioned anything about two of my three small brain tumorshad being enlarged. I guess they did not want to aggrevate my 'mental stress'.

So I had to find out the truth from the copy I received from my disability application this spring. This is totally insane! But I couldn't cry out loud to anyone here lest they should put me in the mental ward.

Having brain tumors doesn't mean that we are mentally imbalanced. Having disability doesn't mean that our judgement/opinion doesn't count. My original diagnosis 20 years ago was a result of many referral requests, including a threat from one family doctor who wanted me to see a psychiatrist. (I switched to another family doctor and continued my quest for the 'truth'.) It's just hard for me to believe that even after 20 years, I still have to deal with the 'psychiatric' issue when I request for an MRI.